By Terry
Howard
WARNING: What follows isn't for the feint-of-heart. It may be hazardous
to your health because it may uncork a range of possible reactions – shock,
empathy, anger and denial (plus a few choice four-letter words).
|
Terry Howard |
But by the time you
finish this, I will have been whisked off under heavy guard to one of my safe
houses under a writer's protection program. So don't come gunning for my head,
okay?
With that opening
salvo, I pry open another diversity "undiscussable": privilege. Unearned
privilege, that is.
But before we take
the leap, understand that the negative connotation of the word privilege makes
it difficult to talk about. Believe me folks, I know, having been stonewalled
with silence and stiff-armed with denials the few times I was brave, or naïve,
enough to attempt open a dialogue on the topic. I quickly learned that
broaching privilege is akin to telling someone that their newborn baby isn't
cute; they don't want to hear it.
Need further evidence
of the desire to avoid the word privilege? Well, I got some friendly advice
from a fellow that we replace the word with the more palatable "systemic
advantage." Otherwise, he warns, you won't be listened to. The word is
that powerful, that discomfiting, that disabling.
But despite some
testiness over the word, privilege does deserve a place in any sincere talk of
an inclusive environment. So whatever the risk, I'll poke at a topic that's
high up on the list of unmentionables for those who have bought into the myth
of meritocracy, or that just can't, or refuse to, see their privilege. The
focus here will be on male privilege, or systemic male advantage, if the former
is too off-putting for some readers.
Now the question I
grappled with is how best to get my readers to come to grips with the reality
of privilege, particularly those who have it but can't see it. Research backed
up by reams of empirical data was one approach. Having Wellesley College’s
renowned expert in privilege, Peggy McIntosh, come to speak on the topic
briefly crossed my mind.
Then suddenly, the
thought occurred to me that, hey, maybe I could just do a "workshop"
on privilege in this space (and from the security of my safe house).
So here goes.
Imagine yourself in a
large room of 30 people from different backgrounds (ethnic, economic, age, job
function, etc.). Imagine further that the group is evenly split, women and men,
and that you're all standing up against a wall in the room facing outward. I'm
the facilitator and I'm standing on the other side of the room directly across
from you.
As I read each of the
following statements, take one step toward me each time you can answer
"yes" to the statement:
·
I can be confident that others won't
think I got a job or promotion because of my gender.
·
I can be assertive without fear of
being called the "b-word."
·
I will never be expected to change my
name upon marriage, or questioned if I don't.
·
The decision to hire me will never be
based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to start a family
anytime soon.
Okay, now turn around
and face those left behind. Who's there? What could be going through their
minds right now? Now remain where you are and either step forward or stay put
based on your response to the following statements:
·
I can be somewhat sure that if I ask to
see the "person in charge," it will be a person of my gender; the
higher up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.
·
The odds of my being sexually harassed are
so low as to be negligible.
·
My ability to make decisions and my
capabilities in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the
month it is.
·
If I'm unattractive, the disadvantages
are relatively easy to ignore.
Stop. Don't stalk
out. Take a deep breath. Here, take an extra strength Excedrin. You'll get
through this, I promise. Let's continue.
Take a step forward
if you can honestly say 'yes' to the following:
·
I am not taught to fear walking alone
after dark in public places.
·
I can speak in a large group without
putting my gender on trial.
·
There are value-neutral clothing
choices available to me; it is possible for me to choose clothing that does not
send any particular message to the world.
·
It is unlikely that I will be beaten up
by a spouse or lover.
Naughty, naughty. Put
that chair down, Biffy. It's not nice to throw stuff at the facilitator.
Turn and see who is
left standing at the wall. Any surprises? Now for a final round:
·
If I have children and pursue a career,
chances are no one will think that I'm selfish for not staying at home.
·
If I fail in my job or career, I can
feel sure that that won't be seen as a mark against my entire gender's
capabilities.
·
In public places with large crowds,
there are seldom long lines of people trying to get into my gender's restroom.
Okay, take your seats
and a deep breath while you process what just happened. Now, close your eyes
and imagine that one of those consistently left standing at the wall is someone
dear to you; perhaps your daughter, wife or partner. Hey, hey, hey, don't throw
that cell phone at me. Would someone call Security?
Can unearned
privilege be undone?
First, realize that
almost everyone has experienced privilege and subordination – we all know what
it feels like to be an outsider. So the hope is that sheer empathy can be a
strong enough motivator; that members of the privileged can somehow develop the
capacity to see themselves from the perspective of those less privileged and
either share their privilege or, at a minimum, work to ensure that others are
not disadvantaged by their lack of privilege.
Second, understand
that protecting privilege is strong because we're taught not to recognize it,
says Wellesley's Peggy McIntosh. Systemic advantage – recognized or not – is
just not something that people will willingly give up without compelling enough
reasons or incentive to do so.
Now it's also
important to understand that not all privileged group members have a shared
interest in benefiting from their privilege. Thus it's possible for courageous
members to challenge the privileges their group takes for granted by refusing
to reproduce their privilege and calling into question the privilege-based
attitudes, comments and behaviors of fellow group members.
So what else could
possibly motivate us to confront the reality of male privilege?
In part, the answer
begins with the hard question of adverse business impact – engagement,
commitment, productivity – on the part of those women "left standing at
the wall." How do you keep them from leaving the wall and heading to the
nearest exit, taking with them some much-needed skills and talents? And what's
the message, the chilling message, to those promising women who aspire one day
to "be like" those who left?
Uh oh, I must run now. A disguise and
an undisclosed safe house await me.
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©
Terry Howard is an award-winning
writer, story-teller and global trainer. He is currently a senior associate
with DiversityWealth(www.diversityWealth.com) a contributing writer with the
Chattanooga News Chronicle, the American Diversity Report and New York-based
Catalyst’s “Men Advocating Real Change.” He can be reached at wwhoward3@gmail.com. To read more from Terry Howard, go to
www.mystoriesonlineblog.com.
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